Forgiveness Through The Lenses of a Gen Z Christian

Tired of writing
I guess just for today
Here I am, here I go 
wait umma need that 3rd coffee
okay, did a lot of reading instead
cool and fun I guess
Trying to enjoy my own company 
Today is different
Past days have been different 
I am not with you
One day with me is enough, for a week or two

Trying to find purpose in these sounds, pages and words 
Will this pass
It has to, I have to get up
It’s almost July 1st
I feel undeserving of this life
Life of constant suffering, unfulfilling days
With highs that others abuse to get near to  

Depressive and manic episodes, boring/judgement people would say 
I know I'm not the same person I was
Should be thankful, I'm not but 
The human in me haunts me about it
I’m sorry family and friends but I will see this through
With or without
I will do my part and hope you understand and do yours
I am a stranger 
You are everything I see and think of 
Self sabotaging is my favorite pass time  
Lack of self respect but still demanding it 
I couldn’t hate myself any more 
Knowing I am forgiven isn’t enough

I need to deprive myself of everything I love
Even you
I need to talk to you, I know it 
Human in me says I'm not worth having contact with Him 
But you say otherwise 
How could you?

No how could I 

Not accepting your gift to humanity

Your gift to me 

I am not the first sinner or anything

It may not be anything to my friends, chill out bro 

I love them for that but

It means everything to me

Only when it comes to you...

Not guilt but shame, knowing better 

The knowing is I am the greatest and there is no room for failure, only improvement 

I need to be ready for what is yet to come

I will not speak or feel like this again 

A promise that no human can make

hold up let me reconnect to know what He wants me to think, say, do

hold up I have 90 more pages left on this book

hold up let me finish up this song, it just need some drums maybe another pedal too

hold up let me finish these drawings, gonna need some unreleased shh soon

hold up let me finish listening to this album, yea umma need the vinyl

I'll finish it today

I was born in the right generation, age of Grace

Thank you Grace.

Wraith & Sensibility

Morning flow

Do not stoop so low 
I will wipe my feet and use you as a stepping stone 
Bothering the unbothered 
I cannot be bothered 
Only thing that bothers me is the wickedness of the world 
Blessed to live in a time of my life where I can decide how much of it I want
Never forgetting about Him and her 
I’ll erase what you think my life is
I’ll erase who you thought I was
Best thing I can do, peacefully 
Ones that seek more attention 
Will only receive it when I can watch and hear their screams when that day comes
Only let my beloved punish me for mine 
I to hers
I do not believe I am better than any of my brothers or sisters 
Only have equals around me 
Only ones that understand me 
I to them 
I will not let you have a word in this 
I only want to hear how much you despise me for no reason
So I can have a reason
At the end day I know it’s best to leave it up to God/Him

The lucky ones receive this 
Even if they don’t ask for it 
I’m sorry that I was gifted this 
Only grew from experiences 
I do not pity you
The human in me might envy you if you have defeated it, while seeing you in the distance
But the reality is I feel and love you for it
Please know that it motivates the weak
Gives hope to the lost and broken 
That is one of our purposes in life
But I understand it's in our nature to run from it 
I personally don’t like too much of it too
Too much only feels fake
Like to indulge in it, in my own time 
My beloved only gets the remainders… for now
Always preferred tough love anyway

Always followed with intimacy right after