Your Hands Were Never Mine (Only You Know)

On the bus on our way back home 

Sitting across from each other, staring til one of us would roam

A patient game for two impaired, impatient individuals 

I thought I had built mine up high enough before getting here

I thought you didn't had to deal with that same little boy

How embarrassing, how selfish

Of me to ask for more, only to know half of how you feel  

Stopping him there because he already has his world right in front of him 

Prompting him to make yet another world within his world 

A world that his world had built

Not knowing her world could have been stolen made limitless 

Not knowing his world could have been stolen and brought back better so effortlessly 

Not knowing their worlds could ever have light in them  

Your serenity over us, keeping us at bay 

Nothing is missing: kept yelling your eyes 

Nothing is the matter, I replied 

Bus didn’t stop at our stop

So we decided to blink 

You landed in the field 

I had enough time to clean around before you got here 

Opened the windows to let the smoke out

For days 

Letting the sun witness the mess that we created

Cleaned the blood off the walls and floors

For days 

Cloth after cloth 

I wrapped a new one on top of the drenched bunch  

Till I made you a new heart 

Cleaned the candle wax off the cracked tiles. 

Wax floating on the water with some of your hair, there I found your ankh necklace that I despised

It would make you press me down on my left side when I would fall asleep mid-prayer at night 

So I burned it on top of the draining tub 

Room full of mirrors, I hadn't really looked at myself for days now 

I took my shades off, I look amazing

Thinking how you should be able to see me 

Thinking of how lucky the people around you are

Thinking of songs that should remind you of me, how to arrange them to fill the space between us 

Thinking of how much I have left to go 

Thinking of how you make your way to my prayers, how much you take up of them 

Fearing the Lord will notice how distracted I'm getting and decide to let me feel your coldness to make me appreciate His Everlasting Flame He has set in me more

Fearing the Lord will notice how U and Him are going hand and hand 

Fearing He'll hate how I worded that last sentence

Fearing He'll wake me up from this lake of illusions I've been trying to swim in

You will be the last thing on His list to remove from my mind and life so He can completely engulf me in His Flame  

I wouldn't have it any other way

I hear you singing one of the songs from the tape I gave you, making your way back home 

Last minute cleaning; rushing everything out the door, into a closet, the attic, the basement

NO MORE FLEETING THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS 

No space left for anything but praise to the spirit that'll bring peace and purity into this place

Everything as to be set in place, it takes my all to do this and still

His Grace helps me clean for His arrival