August

i hate August. 

for the past 4 years something unfortunate occurs on this God Forsaken month. 

From COVID; having to hear my mother's voice fade near into death's sweet embrace 

that fueled my months long drug binges;

summer flings that I took too serious coming to a close and the start of their hauntings; 

awkward family visits/vacations, caused by yours truly; 

to a long excruciating breakup that caused the sky to change forever. 

I got to see its last breaths. 

On the same day I got to see and feel God's empathy.

Just imagine what'll be of the world if another one of those were to happen... 

All started on August, luckily some stayed in August. 

August, a reminder to us all how time flies. 

August, Earth waking up to get some water, use the restroom and go back to sleep on her other side. 

But thank God He took my hate bone away. 

August, a reminder that better days are on their way, this time around. 

August, where I live, is a reminder to soon grab someone or something so you can keep warm. 

The kids going back to school. 

Chilled 1am winds. 

Heading towards to the towers that would remind me of one of my favorite bands every night.

Who would be next to me that night

Long waking hours in hell that funded and inspired my works/passions today. 

Surrounded by the money hungry freaks that keep this capitalist society happy on the daily.

I fit right in, you would think 

Regardless of my uneasy awkwardness that decides to embarrass me whenever it feels, blessed to be in the mist of a loving/supporting family. 

The entry fee of this August is at least 5 months worth of self-love & growth. 

You can get a discount, just tell the bouncer that I know/knew you. 

No...you're lying

In the grey dark tones 

Fighting demons in my home 

Letting now acquaintances break in to use my restroom and charger

Small talk, asking why am I wearing a hoodie in the summer 

“helps me not be a bummer”

After all of it, loneliness

Not a body in sight 

put Charm on and dance my way to my room

Door wide open

The floor is lava

Jump from the door to my bed 

Lying, waiting for my friend to come around so we can head out there….

and there U were 

It was named no mans land

Pretty sure it was the heartland 

my guilty pleasure. 

Next to members of the “fuckchris” committee, a lot of people despise their bosses 

Laughing, smiling 

Made me sick

Made me open the door for a breathe of fresh air

Finally

your air 

Hotter than mine 

I couldn’t even look at you 

Mother saw this and urged we leave 

Brother ran to knock some sense into me 

“Come on dude, I know you know she’s here. she’s leaving rn, go say hi bro!! look she literally walked all the way here bro, how you gonna let her walk?! look she’s walking away, come on!! ima go get her for you.” he remarked

“who?! dude no she’s a complete stranger bro, how am I gonna go up to a stranger like this?! what am I suppose to say to a stranger?! especially a girl, that I…”

“BABE STOP” his wife yelled 

As he went up the stairs to call her out for me

Last thoughts 

I couldn’t let another man help me get to you

Last feelings

Dread & the urgency of a man 

Vision turns black 

Another blessing

Another vision 

Another word 

That I don’t deserve 

Kept my lenses shut 

Just to see if the roll stopped playing 

Could I get a b2b 

No write it down while keeping lenses close 

So nothing can make that feeling and image of you get away from me 

Trinket of mine