American Daughter

A ghost has been haunting me 

Stuck in the corner of my eye 

I could feel it's gaze through my window when I decide to make an entry

I turn to see all day

Nothing 

I turn to see all night 

Deep ocean blue eyes that you can see glowing from miles away 

Leaving tracers when they move

Dark burgundy hair, perfect for the holiday season 

Bunny cheeks 

Baby pink like a pantheress

The only skin that I was able to make out was pale as snow

We had locked eyes, like we’d always would around this time

I pulled my camera out to use the flash, to see if I could capture her

She turned and headed towards my neighbor’s house

That’s when I knew I had to know who she was 

Attraction 

Her walk took my heart and mirrored her steps

Slightly irregular 

Next morning I asked my neighbor if they’ve seen her as well 

“Oh! the young lady that lives a couple blocks down?”

“She lives alone with her mother, I always see her around on weekdays” 

“I’m not sure where they head on the weekends, their cars are always gone when I drive by their house”

“Looks empty inside but lights are on at night.”

"Do you know her name by any chance?" I asked

Behind me came a voice saying

"To know her is to love her"

a year later, I'm The First Optimistic Cynic

miss being outside 

sunset 

i am distant 

in the woods

looking at the pond 

wish i was down there 

confused and hazed

let's go outside 

it's pretty

from what 

let's take a picture of you 

*looks with you*

let's go down there 

help me be like you 

what are you looking at 

what are you thinking 

what patterns are you noticing 

all inside of sounding echo chambers 

sweet silence when it becomes all too bitter 

wouldn't have it any other way

besides, by your side

the sun is going down 

honestly nothing, i'm fine 

the patterns of your questions 

and I wouldn't have it any other way

all i ask is a little more 

by my side, by myself 

there goes another day 

and another 

of being where we belong 

October through February 

months of bleakness 

on the next stop 

get off and see what the future offers 

friendships that you want to maintain

relationships

interactions 

dreams that need to be feed 

time never stops 

not even for us

but we sure do know how to speed it up 

i'm starting to feel the warmth of our birthdays outside

months that remind you to enjoy this brittle youth

you can make this place your world, invade it!

once you get an idea of your wants and needs

friendships

to gain

that you'll dread?

dreams

 

Turkish Delight (The Second Dream That Was Never Mentioned)

Late spring

The life of the young worker/designer and his secret was slowly coming to light 

Without his consent

A life of geeked bedrotting 

What a bore
til U finally came around 

unrequited fiend/voluble english teacher

both sullen 

Perfect for our vocations

In therapy or as writers?

In having our bodies in the same safe colors?

Loving each shade of them 

Or giving them more variety 

at least in the summer

In being God & Goddess? 

Or in serving the only real constant one

I was in purity when I saw your "new" heart belt 

The start of my second real attempt to devoting my life to my Lord

Your latest story was eerily similar to the burned stills in my memories 

Fragments of the past 6 years up until that point

Relived 

Relieved that they're fading away

But it was enough to make me believe you aren't real

Words being pulled out my mind and soul while I slept

There was no way someone just like me existed elsewhere 

I still believe you don't, there could only be one

You say I owe you a poem 

Didn't you read the second half of my other work

Traits of mine

If not here's one you're not going to like...

Hours spent on the couch, waiting patiently

Everyone evaporated 

had spent hours eating donuts

had you where you told everyone you hated to be
In my arms

**** ** **** ***** *** ** *

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Appreciating U 
Warmth to that faceless apparition  
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** ** ********? 

You Will Not Perish Here

You, master of none 

Only of what where when and why you spend your time on 

Time and life 

Blessings that many lose every morning or night 

The blessing of free will 

The blessing of breathing 

The blessing of feasting

blessed to be in this desert

Many would’ve lost it and decide to be their own God 

Remember these days when you are comfortable once more 

When you find water

Remember these days for the days ahead, far worse temptations will hit your body, soul and mind 

Help the one staggering behind and maybe they’ll do the same  

Remember these days because once you’re gone, you won’t be back again

Pick up and take whatever you find in there, it is meant for you 

Never let anything or anyone come in between of us again 

For I know you’ve felt me use you and bring you happiness out of nothing

For I know you can’t even go a week without speaking to me anymore 

For I know you use the words I place in you in your red blog

For I know you unlike anyone you’ll ever meet

For I know you

You, master of none

For Us Freaks

How was it possible for Jesus to live in this Earth?

Knowing he could've ended it all just with the thought and will of it 

Love saved us but

Even after death 

Always taken for granted on a daily

Begged and pleaded by his followers/lovers to be forgiven, after a night/day of us cheating on Him 

Giving it to them anyways, knowing they can and will do it again

Understood and not accepted 

Loathed by many for simply wanting to be near them 

For attempting to give them eternality 

Makes me sick how we humans can be at times 

So inconsiderate to each other and our Lord, for the name of my pride! 

My image, my armor, my ego! 

Perhaps this was one of the reasons why Jesus had to come 

In order to know how we humans truly think and feel

Our selfish nature

For the sake of sympathy for humanity

I catch myself feeding my egotistical side too 

It’s normal, but I never try doing it at the cost of others 

No matter who you are

I guess I just feel too much 

Today I thought of a man from my childhood church 

He was a quiet reserved gentle middle aged man that never bothered anyone

Now that I’m twenty-three and have an opinion on everything that interests me 

I can say that the only time he would bother anyone was for a ride to and from church 

And when he would ask for a time after worship to say how grateful he was with the Lord

Updates on his life

What blessings (maybe nothing or the norm for others) the Lord has gifted him 

They would call his name

Gets up cautiously 

Shaking off the nerves off his legs, ready to walk up with his broken sway

Mic visibly rotating around his hand, trying to get the words out 

Soft spoken too 

I remember seeing this as a kid and I know I didn’t feel bad or pity for the man 

Now I know what I felt 

Compassion, Admiration, Joyous

I know that’s what the pastor felt with that great pure full smile of his 

But I can’t help to put him in one of my hypotheticals

I'm pretty sure he’s still alive but if he were here and put on broadcast for the whole world to see 

How many bots would taunt him, how many would scoff at his praises 

For his life, for his being, for his fruits that he wanted to show everybody

For finding beauty in the mundane

For being God’s lab experiments and to be put in this world

To have something to talk about, have a cheap laugh off 

To add a little piece to their broken masks 

I wonder what God feels when He sees this happen

I personally would join him and laugh at the vacuous myriad of souls that surround us 

And wish them well 

Or you could join us because we are not too far apart if you truly think about it 

And if we are, why not love the diversity we are so privileged to know and be around?

Feel at Home

Located at the top floor

Where no one knocks on your door

Except ghosts

Where you meet your needs but your wants are out

You'll love it here, no doubt 

Paintings of the fall filled with hope and purity

To comfortless mementos of the spring

Seems to be the safest place til faced with your jolie laid to:

Don't sleep or sleep, eat, make some new then we're out again

Always needing a break from her and your work chair

Always hungry for it

A fast life

Want to see it through but no rush

Need to make sure your blueprint is just right, right

  

Days of Void

As I see the light that lays ahead of me

I can't help reminisce when I was raging aimlessly in the dark

Can't help my nature, still

Learned to love what kills and still learning how to destroy the evil 7

Even here they see my mark

the root of it all

Making their sentences: some to hell, some to heaven

Just to remember where I am, where I'm going, they are not free

Nonchalant when I'm not so tall 

Fragile to the weight that others carry but always thrown to the back

Just lay it on me

After providing you rekindle but can't see as far anymore

Only hear: cries, screams, laughter, tongues of all kind

Only beauty I see is dreams: follow the rain they said, allurements to new life

Always be the light, even if they 

Keep watch of you.

Days turn into months 

Months to years, how many years has it been?

Asking questions you know the answers to: will this help me?, will they help me?

Why am I here? What must I do? Where should I head? Where has the faithful gone? Where are my loved ones?

Are they strangers now? Should I make them into strangers? Should I help them forget?

How deep am I, how much deeper can I go, Should I continue?

How grey should these questions be, before they turn dark 

They blind and trap you in a chamber filled with irrelevant, unconnected tongues that you wish you can cut off and down

"How distasteful, how rude" they say after spitting and hitting that lick on you

The human in me starts to shout, "I'm no God!"

I'm not and don't want to be